Aminet 21/Aminet 21 (1997)(GTI - Schatztruhe)[!][Oct 1997].iso/Aminet/comm/cnet/supertg3.lha/Men

Text File | 1997-06-23 | 22KB | 418 lines

"Okay guys, let me down. I was only kidding." -Jesus
@FN@, stop that! My boyfriend's getting...OH WAIT - I don't have one!
A bachelor enjoys the chase but doesn't eat the game.
A boyfriend a day gets me $100,000 in alimony.
A boyfriend a day soon gets me $1,000 a month alimony.
A boyfriend may be a free trial, but you get a life sentence.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to remove it.
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
A guy asked me what living in New York City was like, so I shot him.
A guy asked me what living in NYC was like - told him to wait 54 years.
A hard man is good to find.
A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow.
A man drove me to drink. I never properly thanked him.
A man that blushes is not quite a brute.
A man who can't make up his mind, probably has no mind to make up.
A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
A man's 2 stages of sex: Bi-weekly and buy-weekly.
A man's balance depends on the weight he carries between his legs.
A man's gotta do - whatever his wife tells him to!
A man's greatness can be measured by his enemies.
A man's heart has a nerve that answers to beauty's vibrations.
A man's idea of housework? Lifting his legs so you vacuum under them.
A man's place is in the wrong.
A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
A running mate is a husband who dared to talk back.
A woman can be happy with any man as long as she doesn't love him.
A woman is only as young as the man she feels!
A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty.
Absolutely brilliant...for a man.
Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up.
After God created man, he atoned by creating beer.
Ahhhh, I really like men.  Every woman should own one.
Alimony: The fee a man pays for having his ex-wife take care of him.
All men are alike, but have different faces to tell them apart.
All men are created equal...poor things.
All men are created unequal.
All men are equal - it just sticks out more on some.
All men are equal...yeah, to dogs!
All men aren't civilized, and no man is house broken.
Always kick a man when he's down.
And what's my boyfriend gonna think?
Any fool can tell the truth, but a man of sense can lie well.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
At a nude wedding, everyone can see who the best man REALLY is.
At last! I finally found the perfect man!
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
Bartender, I'd like whatever the man on the floor was drinking.
Be kind to men, they don't have much to think with.
Be mean to men, cuz they think too much with what's below their belts.
Beer and men: Two of god's best gifts to mankind.
Beer, hockey, and men...isn't life Great!!!
Behind every great man is his BUTT.
Behind every SATISFIED man, there's an EXHAUSTED woman!
Behind every successful man is a woman who wants a fur coat.
Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman.
Being female isn't bad, considering the alternative.
Belly button: Where men put 'honey' in after being a 'busy bee'.
Better to marry a man who loves you than one you love.
Beware the man who fears you.
Bigamy: One husband too many. Monogamy: The same idea.
BISEXUAL: Someone who likes girls as well as the next guy.
Blonde jokes are one-liners so men can understand them.
BORE: A guy who wraps up a 2 minute idea in a 2 hour vocabulary.
BOY: A noise system with dirt on it.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will @FN@.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle aged men.
Boys will be boys, and so will some middle-aged men.
BOYS: Of all the wild beasts, the most difficult to manage.
By remaining single, a man is a permanent public temptation.
By the power of Grayskull, I'm He-Man - Master of the Universe!
Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the husband in the back yard.
Canadian men.....gotta love 'em!
Childhood sometimes does pay a 2nd visit to man; youth never.
Clothes don't make the man, but clothes have got men a good job.
Come back when you get some pubes, boys.
Come back when you get some skates, boys. huh huh huh
Confucius say: Man who put foot in mouth get athlete's tongue.
Conversation is an art in which man has all mankind for competitors.
Cosmetics: Preventing men from reading between the lines.
Cowboys handle anything horny.
Cowboys stay in the saddle longer.
Crisis: The times that try men's souls.
CYNIC: A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Damn! Look at the time! My boyfriend's gonna kill me!
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man?
Do right, fear no woman. Do wrong, fear a woman.
Do you know what PMS REALLY stands for? Punish the Male Species!
Does this mean that men often dream about me?
Dog is man's best friend. And you are your best friend.
Dogs are more loyal than men. Then again, my cats are more loyal.
Don't apologize, you're male...that automatically makes you wrong.
Don't hassle the dead, boy! They have eerie powers.
Don't let a man make lasagna. He'd screw up a sacred thing.
Don't mess with me. My boyfriend's a hockey player!
Don't scream! My boyfriend is sleeping.
Drink it like a man!
Eat my shorts, man!
Equality of the sexes means being able to call men sluts.
Erections: There to tell ya when a man is thinking.
Every man is a volume, if you know how to read him.
Every women needs 3 men: 1 for sex, 1 for money, and 1 for fun.
Excuse me, sir? Which way to the guy with two butts? huh huh huh
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he's been.
FAITHFUL HUSBAND: One whose alimony check is always on time.
Feminism: It's because of men that sh*t happens.
FEMINISM: The radical idea that men are scum.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
First god created man, THEN she got it right!
FLOWERS: A gift bought by a man with a weak alibi.
For a guy, @FN@'s remarkably perceptive.
For a guy, he's remarkably perceptive.
For a guy, you're remarkably perceptive.
Get your money for nothing, and your guys for free.
God created man and said "Aw shoot!"
God made man first, but made Woman after he did some improvements.
God, in creating men, overestimated his ability.
Good boy, @FN@...go fetch me a beer.
Good boy...now go sit in the corner and do what you do best.
Good Morning! Nice of you guys to drop by!
Hair Club For Men ad: Hi, I'm not only a Ranger, I'm also the President!
Hair Club For Men ad: I'm not only NYR's center, I'm also a client.
Hang on to her boy, with all your might.
Harass Navy men being transferred? Nah, they're in deep water already.
He was a man, all and all, I shall not look upon his like again.
He's my kind of man - bribable!
He's no wise man who'll quit a certainty for an uncertainty.
Hey Butthead, I can sing like this guy.
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty boys?
Hey, if men wanna be stupid, then I'm sure gonna take all I can!
Hey, like you're a guy! what do YOU know about abortion?
Hi Jefferson! How's your husband?
Home Safety Tip for Men #1: Don't iron naked.
Hot to play a joke on a man who likes to argue - agree with him!
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.
How come women aren't in the NHL? The guys would rather CHECK them out.
How do these guys pee with their pants on backwards?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
How much should a guy spend on a wedding ring? More than he can afford!
How to play a joke on a man who likes to argue - agree with him!
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
I can't whistle at my boyfriend, he leaves me breathless!
I come in peace. I only seek alcohol, men, and hockey!
I don't like men with too many muscles...just the important one...;-)
I dress to make men fall to their knees.
I expect to die at 110. Shot by a jealous husband.
I find it amusing Lorena get off - obviously NOT with her husband!
I got a gun for my boyfriend. Pretty good trade, huh?
I happen to like nice men.
I hate to disappoint you @FN@, I don't think my boyfriend would approve.
I have a heart like the US Army - open for all men between 18-35.
I know a guy who is so conceited, he thinks he's as good as I am.
I know my boyfriend had sex before we met, but he didn't enjoy it!
I like a man who's crazy about me.
I like men with big, ummmm hearts...that's it, HEARTS!!!
I like my men to be...well...hockey players!
I like Submarines - long, hard, and filled with sea Men!
I love my boyfriend, but I trust my cat.
I never met a man that I didn't like.
I really like men - every woman should own one, and have a backup.
I really like men - that's why I have so many of them.
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me?"
I used to have a life. Now I have a boyfriend.
I want a rich, nice looking man to keep around on the side.
I wanted a rich man, but I settled for my boyfriend.
I was talking during sex and my boyfriend hung up.
I will NEVER give up my power over men!
I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
I'm against Firm Male Bodies...as often as I can be!
I'm so bored, I'm starting to miss my boyfriend.
I'm spending the night with @FN@ @LN@ - Male Prostitute.
Ideas originating from men leave nothing to the imagination.
If clothes make a man, than what is @FN@?
If clothes make a man, than what is a nudist?
If men got pregnant abortion would be safe, legal, & available forever.
If they can send a man to the moon...why not send them all?
If you don't listen to my preachin' boy...
If you wish to know what a man is - give him skates, a stick, & a puck.
If you wish to know what a man is, place him in authority.
In my book you're a great guy. But then it's a work of fiction.
In private, women are much more perverted than men.
In search of the perfect man...
Is man a blunder of God or is God only a blunder of man?
It takes a hard-lovin' woman to love a hard-headed man.
It's a common phenomenon that pretty girls find it hard to get a man.
It's funny that Lorena get off...but obviously NOT with her husband!
It's never as easy as the manual says it is!
It's not who you sleep with, it's how long a man can keep it up!
Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Manwich.
Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Moo Goo Guy in a Pan.
Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Sum-Yun-Guy.
Just got a new big screen TV for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got a new car for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got a new computer for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got a new house for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got a new pool table for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got a new truck for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just got playoff tickets for my boyfriend...GREAT TRADE!
Just like a typical male!
Just like the boy who made up stories all the time...
Life's too short to date ugly guys!
Lighten up guys! It was just a joke
Lighten up, man! Life's too short.
Lightin' up some lucky cowboy's eyes...
Lord have mercy on the working man.
Love is never jealous or envious. Tell THAT to my boyfriend!
Love is the delusion that one man differs from another.
Love: The illusion that one man differs from another.
Luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
Make your boyfriend angry during sex: Point and laugh!
Make your boyfrined angry during sex: Tell him he's doing it wrong!
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
MAN (n): An abbreviation of woman.
Man and mouse alike; both end up in pussy.
Man from NYC: Connecticut? WHOA! Ya mean...you've seen a tree?
Man has his will - but woman has her way.
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
Man may work from sun to sun, but woman's work is never done.
MAN Targeted....     FIRE!
Man troubles? Don't those words automatically go together?
Man who fights with wife all day, gets no piece at night.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Man who goes to bed with sex problem, wakes up with solution in hand.
Man who kisses girl behind, gets crack in face.
Man who lose key to girlfriend's house get no new-key.
Man who neglects his duty as a citizen isn't entitled to his rights.
Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
Man with athletic fingers make broad jump.
MAN.ZIP: Great program! (Fun to unzip!)
MAN: Great concept, bad engineering.
MAN: Great idea, bad design.
Manly yes, but Beavis likes it too. huh huh huh
Many a man never fails because he never tries.
Me? Sexist? What's so wrong with making fun of men?
Me? Sexist? Why some of my best friends are men.
Measure a man by the enemies he has made.
Meet George Jetson...his boy, @FN@!
Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win...they lose.
Men are great! Every woman should own one!!!
Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.
Men are like teeth. They go away if ignored.
Men are meant to be obscene, and not heard!
Men are only good for one thing...two, if they're good at it.
Men are such idiots and I married their king.
Men are the reason why women hate one another.
Men are what their mothers made them.
Men come in 3 sizes: Small, Average, and DAMN that's gonna hurt!
Men come in 3 sizes: Small, Average, and Ooohhh BABY!
Men do too get PMS - Penis Malfunction Syndrome.
Men do too get PMS - Pre-Middle aged Syndrome.
Men do too get PMS: Post Macho Syndrome!
Men don't whistle at me. The sight of me leaves them breathless!
Men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love.
Men growing up are rewarded socially for eating a lot.
Men of quality respect women's equality.
Men only learned how to walk upright cuz they put beer on the top shelf.
Men play the game; women know the score.
MEN! 'nuff said!
Men! Go figure!
Men! Learn from John Bobbitt. Don't cheat on your girlfriend/wife!
Men...can't live with them, can't keep 'em in the trunk.
Men: You can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.
Men? On the whole, I'd rather do it myself!
Most men never get much older than twelve.
MUTANTS = Men Under the Arcane Notion They're Special.
My boyfriend gives good headache.
My boyfriend has CRAFT disease - Can't Remember A Friggin' Thing!
My boyfriend is getting jealous...of the time I spend with my computer.
My boyfriend used the computer and managed to format the BIOS.
My boyfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought him an atlas.
My boyfriend wonders if I'll ever get off the computer.
My computer is getting jealous...of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
My face, figure, and voice makes a man stop, look, and listen.
My heart belongs to @FN@, but the rest of me goes out with other guys.
My heart belongs to you, but the rest of me goes out with other guys.
My name is @FN@: I am MAN...pull my finger...thank you!
My shirt was SO tight, the men could hardly breathe.
Never appeal to a man's brain - he probably doesn't have one.
Never hit a man with glasses. A fist hurts more!
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fists!
Never let a man make lasagna, he'd screw up a sacred thing!
Never lie down with a man who's got more troubles than you.
Never make love to a man who isn't wearing a condom!
Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.
No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before!
No man's credit is as good as his money.
No woman has ever shot a man while he's doing the dishes.
Not all men are fools, some have girlfriends.
Not all men are fools, some obey women.
Nothing confuses a man like a woman driver who does everything right.
Nothing is more gratifying to the mind of man than power or dominion.
Now now, @FN@! My boyfriend is getting suspicious.
Oh, a wise guy!
Oh...a wiiiise guy, eh?????
Okay! I admit it. I'm just here to fulfill men's sexual fantasies.
On one issue, men and women agree: They both distrust men.
On one issue, men and women agree: They both distrust women.
OPERA: A place where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.
OXYMORON: Male logic.
OXYMORON: Masculine logic.
Patience is a virtue possessed by few men and no women.
Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower.
Peter Pan Syndrome: Men who refuse to grow up.
Poor guy...doesn't even get the joke.
Quick, @FN@, send your husband over to train my boyfriend!
Real men are pro-choice.
Real men aren't mama's boys.
Real men buy flowers for no reason, other than to make the woman happy.
Real men don't think of women as sex objects.
Real men don't use corny pick-up lines.
Real men go dancing.
Real men know how to please a woman.
Real men know how to satisfy a woman.
Real men play hockey.
Real men respect women.
Real men sleep in the wet spot.
Real men watch hockey.
Real women cook for their man.
Real women know a fool and his money when they see one.
Real women know how to please a man.
Real women let the man open the door.
RELIGION: Just another one of man's errors.
Save a horse - Ride a cowboy!
Semen - a term for sailors.
Sex: ( ) Male ( ) Female (X) Whenever I damn well want it!
Should science attempt to land a man on the sun?
Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.
Silly boy, you NEVER invite a vampire into your home!
Single women know more about men; if they didn't, they'd be married.
Sleep with firemen: They're HOT!
Slut: A woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
So I said to my boyfriend, "Don't be a fool! We'll take the million!"
Some men are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them.
Some men are discovered. Others are found out.
Sysop - Guy who likes watching others use his computer.
SYSOP: The guy laughing at your typing.
The 3 types of men: 1) Intelligent 2) Nice Looking 3) @FN@
The 3 types of men: 1) Intelligent 2) Nice Looking 3) The Majority.
The actions of man are the best interpreters of their thoughts.
The actions of men are the best interpretations of their thoughts.
The Army is like the Boy Scouts without adult supervision.
The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
The best way to love your neighbor is when your boyfriend is away.
The best way to love your neighbor is when your husband is away.
The better a man looks...the longer I look!
The better a woman looks, the longer a man does.
The discontented man finds no easy chair.
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
The primary cause of maleness is damage to one of the X chromosomes.
The real character of a man is found out by his amusements.
The toilet, clitoris, and anniversaries: Why do men miss all 3?
The trouble with women is their trouble with men.
The useless bit of skin on the end of a penis: The man.
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
The woman cries before the wedding; the man, afterwards.
There will be vice as long as there are men.
There's danger when a man throws his tongue before his brain starts.
These guys are pretty cool, even though they're 60. That one guy is 69.
These guys are pretty cool, even though they're like 60. huh huh huh
these guys got no future! huh huh huh
These guys live on the edge. Yeah, the edge of wuss cliff - on Winger.
These guys played at the state fair last year. - Butthead on Loverboy.
Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought.
Three most dreaded words for a man to hear: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
To brighten up your boyfriend's evening, sit with him in the dark.
To err is human, to not admit an err is totally male.
To find a two-legged man...trace back over Lorena's trail.
To women, men are like big dogs that talk.
TV DINNER: Food that tastes like it was prepared by the TV repairman.
TV TRUTH: "Real men" can punch a hole in a car window.
TV TRUTH: Getting shot is a minor annoyance if you're a good guy.
TV Truth: Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
Ulcers show a man has big money: either he's making it or owing it.
Vampyra to the shy little boy: "Don't worry, I don't bite!"
Wanted: Men To Test New Condom!
Wanted: Men To Test New Solo-Flex!
Wanted: Men To Test New Waterbed!
What came first: The men or the beer?
What the fool does in the end, the wise man does in the beginning.
What's the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
When asked how many husbands I've had, I said, "Mine or other women's?"
When the lights are out, all men are nice-looking.
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
Which one of my ex-boyfriends told you that?
WHOA! Shot down while using his 'manlihood'.
Why are blonde jokes one-liners? So men can understand them too.
Why are men so stupid? No brains to think with.
Why can't men put the toilet seat BACK DOWN?!?
Why can't men remember to leave the lid DOWN?
Why can't men remember to put the seat back down?
Why don't men ever wipe their pee off the toilet?
Women and cats do as they like. Men and dogs better get used to it.
Women don't make fools out of a men. We only direct the performance.
Women like the best things in life...men who play hockey!
Women like the simple things in life...men!
Women may have many faults, but men have two: what they say and do.
Women prefer the simple things in life...MEN.
Women take to good hearted men. Also from.
Women, n., pl.: wild, ovulating, man-eating nymphomaniacs.
Yawn: The only time a man gets to open his mouth.
YAWN: The only time men get to open their mouths.
You can always tell a married man, you just can't tell him much.
You can lead a man to Congress but you can't make him think.
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
You can't read men like a book but it's fun browsing the pages.
You don't know it boy, but you just blew it.
You spent most of your money on beer and women, the rest you wasted.
You'd be a rich man if you were paid all the money you owe!
You'll be a hard luck woman...baby till you find your man.
You're a funny guy!
You're a man of promise, but you never keep any of them.
You're a man? No way! huh huh huh - Butthead on Boy George.
You're my kind of man - bribable.
You're the last man I expected to see - or wanted to!